I wasn’t always a homegrown mom. Not that I didn’t think about it.
I’d dreamt of being a wife and mom since I was very young, in my own delusional way. In the beginning, I thought I’d be a terrific housewife akin to June Cleaver, or Lucy Ricardo. Let me tell you, it was all about their dresses. One of my parent’s favorite shows was Roseanne. Man, I hated that show, and not just because they wore sweats. Their life was so messy. When I had a family, life would be anything but messy.
My house would be tidy, my kids respectful, my husband adoring. And me? Gorgeous, dahling. I also wanted to be a writer, teacher, fashion designer, and Punky Brewster’s best friend. But I fantasized about being a wife and mom more than anything else.
I made family newsletters, family mailboxes, and held family parties in my bedroom. I started babysitting when I was twelve years old and practiced all my best stuff on other people’s kids. We did crafts, cookies and bedtime stories. For the few hours their parents were gone, I got to live out my fantasy of being a mom.
Sure enough, I grew up and married fairly young. I had a reality bite or two along the way, but deep down, I still placed those fifties sitcom expectations on myself. It would take years for me to understand that the perfect wife I’d created in my mind was nothing like the picture God had painted of the perfect wife.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. My story actually starts in 1996 when I was holding down three jobs and keeping up pretty good with the night life. I was eighteen and putting off college, putting off church, and putting off making any decisions at all about my life.
Yeah, I was just living in the moment, free for the first time in my life. Well, almost free. I had a boyfriend I wasn’t too sure about, but I was putting off dealing with that, too. Until one night when I found myself on my knees in my bathroom, pregnancy test in hand and an anxious boyfriend pacing outside.
I took one look at the little pink line and knew. All those decisions I’d been putting off were going to have to be dealt with. Soon.
andrea says
Gives me shivers to think of how scary that must have been. Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable and “real” part of you…
Stephanie says
Like a good book.. always ends leaving you wanting for more.
Great post! I agree with Andrea, it too gave me shivers. Thanks for posting this.
Robin says
Amazing how those small little lines become so significant, so quickly. I never dreamed of being a mom, like you did. I was the mom in my house. My brother needed one and I needed life to have some sort of order. I only stopped “momming” for three years, when I was out on my own and my brother moved 700 miles away . I don’t miss the years I had to myself. I’m not always my kids’ favorite person, but I love them and they love me and we do life together. There is no perfect mom, just the mom you are. God gave you your girls because you are right for them. And He is always right!
JOY! to the World says
thanks for sharing that. I didnt believe I was supposed to be the mom I turned out to be. And sometimes I question weither I made good choices leading up to becoming a mom. But here I am and may God make us better for it.
Lakisha says
I di27;#8d1n&t notice a link anyplace but do you have advertising? I have some sites in the exact same specialized niche and I would prefer to add my banner somwhere in your site.
Angela says
@ Andrea, Stephanie, Joy, and Robin- Thanks for your kind hearts. It is nerve-wrecking to share such personal stuff, and these comments make me smile 🙂
Jo Princess Warrior says
Love taking a peek at the woman behind the blog so to speak. Isn’t it funny how our plans don’t seem to work out as we thought they would. But His plans do. xo
SheilaG says
I know what you mean about sharing stuff so personal! I write a syndicated parenting column, and I spend a lot of time talking to women at conferences about sex (I had to practice saying certain words in front of the mirror so I could do it without too much embarrassment!)
But what you wrote was so beautiful. You really made us want more. You’re a beautiful writer, and I hope one day you’ll get the chance to write a novel or something. I think you’d be great at it! You don’t read that much compelling writing on the web, but yours really is!
Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum
Angela says
Thank you! I think I would have to practice, too!
Kristen says
Wow! I’m your newest subscriber lol…this was me as well. Thank you so much, can’t wait to click over and read other post!!! 😉
Jeremy Johnson says
Very interesting tale of your life Angela – you’re a trooper for hanging in there through it all.
The (Un)Experienced Mom says
Wow….not ideal, but glad you can find the silver lining! Thanks for leaving the link!
Tamara
http://www.theunexperiencedmom.com